I
Late night
the time when deep feelings arise
when they boil and coil in the air
and they vapourise and fill the air.
Miss you,
although I tried sooo hard
to keep stopping myself from thinking of you .

I'm so sorry but I love you.
It was all lies.
And without me knowing
I had let you leave.

Don't look back and leave
because I have no regrets loving you
take only the good memories.

You are always there within
making me so fed up of it.
There are lots of things in reality that we have to bear with.
There are lots of things that we can do nothing about but accept.

Goodbye.
Enjoy your campus life with others
and maybe another girl as well.
Although I knew that it would end up like this since the last day we met
I never had regrets loving you.


II
Thank you for being a serving one.
Sorry, but you are a serving one.
Dare I cause the body of Christ to lose its oneness?
And would I ever be able to defeat God?
Neither would you.
In fact, it isn't good for you to lose the testimony and pattern before the sheep you are taking care of.

Miss you,
although I tried sooo hard
to keep stopping myself from thinking of you
to keep avoiding myself from admitting it.
I'm so sorry but I love you.
It was all lies.

It was awesome for us to know what's in each other's heart finally, after eight month's waiting and observation.
It was jubilant to realise that you reacted exactly the same as I did, when I tried to control myself at the same time when I looked at you.
The feeling was unspeakable when we look into each other's eyes,
when there was a rythmic flow from you to me.
And to be taken care of was like being surrounded by warmth, which was especially thick and meaningful to a girl who has to leave her family and best friends and stand alone in facing all sorts of challenges in campus life.
You made me feel as if I've found something lost in those wonderful days.

Why me among so many?
I wonder
Yet I dare not think further to find out the answer.
After all it had all came to an end, right?

Impossibility.
Keeps pounding and pounding in my mind, again and again.
There are lots of things in reality that we have to bear with.
There are lots of things that we can do nothing about but accept.
There are lots of things in reality that we have to force ourselves to learn in order to fit in.
I'm not overreacting to be realistic, but unfortunately both of us live in a world of reality.
Sorry, but this is the only best thing I can do for you.
I hate myself. And I hate the flesh, so much.
Subtle Satan.

I'm so sorry, but I love you, it's all lies.
Will you be taking only the good memories?

You wouldn't know
probably for ever
that I bear more pain than you do.
It seemed as though I was alright
I laughed and talked and had fun and avoided your eyes
pretending to be strong and doesn't care
Coz i knew that there is no other way,
so it had to be done once and for all.
"Be strong," I repeated again and again to myself.
Deep down within my heart was bleeding
AGAIN AND AGAIN.
until an extent that it is dumb towards everything.
It dies, it fades, it is bruised and ruined day by day.
From another point of view, isn't it good to be dumb?
With no feelings, one suffers no pain.