虽是咫尺，已在天涯

幸福，对有的人而言是理所当然，甚至唾手可得，对我而言，却是如此遥不可及。思之，已为奢也。

看大家在你的 facebook上留言

嘻嘻哈哈

谁知道我是多么心痛啊！

想要说些什么，却又不知该说什么才好。

自己想想，我凭什么，又有什么资格呢。

无名， 无分。

原以为自己无所谓，才发现，默默地回应你的情感，比想象中难。

跟你的相处，充满了等待、彷徨和无奈。

然而你依然占据我心的深处。

毕竟没有人像你一样，为了我付出那么大的代价，为了我改变那么多。

也只有你的温柔，给得了我所需要的安全感。

可是残酷的现实，将我从绮丽的梦境中揪出。

4月4日，上午9时45 分…我在马来西亚的一切，还有你，都进入倒数计时。

多情，自古伤离别。

过客。

虽然很不愿意相信，但或许，我们就真的是生命中的过客。

5年，你会愿意等吗？我足以让你认为值得等待吗？

天啊，我怎么这么天真呢。。。

两情若是长久时，又岂在朝朝暮暮？

5年后的我们，会怎样呢？我（天真地）希望你等我，可是我不想因为蹉跎你的岁月而愧疚，更不希望你做出错误的决定。

若能再续前缘， 那该有多好，有情人终成眷属啊。

要是你时候到了，我衷心祝你幸福。更盼回首向来萧瑟处，归去，也无风雨也无晴。

又一次，出去玩没约我。
haiz.....
说你在乎我，别说你在乎我。
无奈。
你的心，猜不透，摸不着。。。我也没有力气再这么做了。
流过最后的一滴泪，划下一道痕，转身离开。

我有我的目标和理想，也只有它们能支撑着我走到最后。
为了目标，可以不顾一切地往前冲；为了理想，我能坚持到最后。
今后离了你，是一片茫然。徒留自己一贯的信念，逼自己孤军奋战。也许这是为什么，我把你的手推开了。在心底深处，我知道，这条路只容我孤单的身子，拖着长影，沉重地一步一步走下去。所以不信任任何人，宁可选择只相信自己。保护自己，为自己着想。如果我不这么做，就没有人能照顾我了。
就是因为脆弱，才需要逼自己变强。经过的这些年里，我证明自己做到了。“在坚强的外表下，埋藏着脆弱的心灵”。。。这是狮子座的特性，描述得很贴切，我喜欢。。。
所以，请别说我无情。在众人里面，你最没资格这么说，因为你不知道，在难眠的夜里，我为你哭了多少回。

今早睡醒时发觉自己又胖了， 刹那间一股强烈的挫折感排山倒海而来，无情地将我淹没......唉，转眼间我的假期已经快一个月过去了，可我好像还是很浑浑噩噩的一事无成......
先看看自己一个月以来的成绩单......
#体重确实比训练刚结束时清减了，但是距离我的目标......不敢想象啊！！ 真~是~遥~远~......我要37！！！不然穿什么衣服都不好看......而且新年要到了，一定要加倍努力才是！！
#在马来亚电子工程学院学习，实习作到第14课。
#看了几本书，但都是随意看看，连有几本是真正看完的也无从知晓......
#打扮的sense有进步了，目标也更明确，对自己的要求也提高了，但非常遗憾的是......还没有实现，没有达到自己的要求！！！我讨厌眼高手低的感觉！！！

**********下*定*决*心*********

CHANGE! YES WE CAN!
#健康&减肥：
-早餐喝牛奶，&麦片/Herbalife奶昔
-不吃午餐（这个一定要坚持！！！ 会瘦得很快咧！）
-晚餐吃麦片，6点进食
-晚上9.30盥洗，10点睡觉
#整理我的blog，key in之前手写的杂记
#在照片（可怜我的只有一张照片>.<''）
#变瘦变美，然后拍多多张大头贴^^

Haven't updated my blog, facebook and msn for soooo long.
Even I myself thinks that I'm already dead, gone, evaporated...etc.
lols.
Had been preparing for exams larrh. Ah, life.
Flooded by books and notes and A4 papers and stationaries and calculator and......huh. Exhausted.
Glad that there is only two more practical papers left. Then IELTS. Then say hi to my wonderful longed for holiday!!!!

A Vacation In Mind

Something that plays for seconds which I used more than 3 hours to complete.

Kisiao lah!! I must be CRAZY~~

Well it's a good try anyway, isn't it? Wish I could do more stuffs like this in the future...I mean during the holidays after A-levels...

Hope you guys enjoy it^^

微风
拂过卧室
像蜜糖里的气泡
淡淡的茉莉茶香
爬满鲜花的窗台
楼下喧闹的街道
瞥见你一闪而过的身影
是熟悉的温暖

I was thinking about my A levels result, how to spend my holiday, hanging out with friends, trying my best to attract others' attention...etc...things that young people usually think about.
Until I accidentally ran into this girl's blog.
I was stunned.
I didn't realize how small and superficial I am.
The Lord has a great need today.
And He can have His way only if we are willing to fully cooperate with Him.
There are bunches of peaple sent to the lake of fire everyday.
There are lots young people living in vanity, heading to nowhere but the enemy's trap.
There are people working, striving and suffering every moment without taking God as their rest.
There are loads of believers who do not contain God in their spirit.
We need to preach the gospel, the high gospel, which is full of truths.
Only such high gospel can bring the Lord back.
Only when the gospel is preached throughout the whole inhabited earth,the Lord can be back.
We, human beings, play a crucial role in God's plan.
It all depends on whether we are willing to concecrate ourselves to Him, to let Him have the way.

By the way, I got the hymn from http://blog.xuite.net/chuan8318/blog/8381585
It can't be attached here...just listen to it in the above webpage

答應得勝的呼召
每當思念大马地，淚洗面心憂傷，
千百萬人在喪亡，你我在何方？
曾經飛越太平洋，盼將來衣錦還鄉。
神憐憫，你我蒙恩，得生命識神經綸。
今活著，應向神，遵主意，速興起。

（副）整行裝，莫遲疑，要出去，傳福音。
聖靈大風今吹到，遍地熟稼發白了。
機不可失在今日，答應得勝的呼召。

君不見民工遍地，尋出路如羊迷，
背井離鄉來異地，生死有誰理？
流落四方無朝夕，血汗榨乾錢無幾。
你我同為神器皿，在神眼中同價值。
速興起，要出去，救萬人，揚真理。

君不見校園林立，青年人無目的。
世界魔鬼大張口，成群被吞噬？
心靈空虛難自持，知識理想只瞬时。
你我已蒙神憐憫，白白得來當送去。
速興起，要出去，到校園，得青年。

君不見廣廈密佈，人如潮車如流，
各地居民千千萬，福音有誰傳？
生老病死一代代，成群結隊火湖煎。
耶穌見人慈心動，你我豈能不動情？
速興起，要出去，遍各方，救靈魂！

基督再來迫眉睫，踏腳石頭難找。
國度福音要廣傳，誰願受差遣？
不是被提就殉道，答應呼召莫漏掉。
得勝在於同主行，不要再把藉口找。
速興起，要出去，轉時代，在今朝。

I
Late night
the time when deep feelings arise
when they boil and coil in the air
and they vapourise and fill the air.
Miss you,
although I tried sooo hard
to keep stopping myself from thinking of you .

I'm so sorry but I love you.
It was all lies.
And without me knowing
I had let you leave.

Don't look back and leave
because I have no regrets loving you
take only the good memories.

You are always there within
making me so fed up of it.
There are lots of things in reality that we have to bear with.
There are lots of things that we can do nothing about but accept.

Goodbye.
Enjoy your campus life with others
and maybe another girl as well.
Although I knew that it would end up like this since the last day we met
I never had regrets loving you.


II
Thank you for being a serving one.
Sorry, but you are a serving one.
Dare I cause the body of Christ to lose its oneness?
And would I ever be able to defeat God?
Neither would you.
In fact, it isn't good for you to lose the testimony and pattern before the sheep you are taking care of.

Miss you,
although I tried sooo hard
to keep stopping myself from thinking of you
to keep avoiding myself from admitting it.
I'm so sorry but I love you.
It was all lies.

It was awesome for us to know what's in each other's heart finally, after eight month's waiting and observation.
It was jubilant to realise that you reacted exactly the same as I did, when I tried to control myself at the same time when I looked at you.
The feeling was unspeakable when we look into each other's eyes,
when there was a rythmic flow from you to me.
And to be taken care of was like being surrounded by warmth, which was especially thick and meaningful to a girl who has to leave her family and best friends and stand alone in facing all sorts of challenges in campus life.
You made me feel as if I've found something lost in those wonderful days.

Why me among so many?
I wonder
Yet I dare not think further to find out the answer.
After all it had all came to an end, right?

Impossibility.
Keeps pounding and pounding in my mind, again and again.
There are lots of things in reality that we have to bear with.
There are lots of things that we can do nothing about but accept.
There are lots of things in reality that we have to force ourselves to learn in order to fit in.
I'm not overreacting to be realistic, but unfortunately both of us live in a world of reality.
Sorry, but this is the only best thing I can do for you.
I hate myself. And I hate the flesh, so much.
Subtle Satan.

I'm so sorry, but I love you, it's all lies.
Will you be taking only the good memories?

You wouldn't know
probably for ever
that I bear more pain than you do.
It seemed as though I was alright
I laughed and talked and had fun and avoided your eyes
pretending to be strong and doesn't care
Coz i knew that there is no other way,
so it had to be done once and for all.
"Be strong," I repeated again and again to myself.
Deep down within my heart was bleeding
AGAIN AND AGAIN.
until an extent that it is dumb towards everything.
It dies, it fades, it is bruised and ruined day by day.
From another point of view, isn't it good to be dumb?
With no feelings, one suffers no pain.

Sick of PMS! swt~
I become more and more glutton recently~~
I waste a lot of time and money and chemical energy and ATP exercising my jaws and munching and biting and chewing and digesting...eww. Disgusted. But unstoppable. Yuck.
Aww. Why am I ALWAYS hungry?!
And I know that I've caused troubles. But it's not me!!! It's the hormones!I didn't ask for it...T.T
It's in the flesh , it's in the body, it's something uncontrollable.
I hate hormones. So much.